I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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