Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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