Ambien. No doubt about it.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
me + whiskey = a bad person
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
