Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
