I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
