I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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