I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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