i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
