This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
