I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
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its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
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I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm too high and old for this...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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