Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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