there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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