Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
