Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
