i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
