Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
