peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
