So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
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We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
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Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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