She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
