he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
