I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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