I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
