He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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