one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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