why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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