weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
