There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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