I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
