the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
