worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
