Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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