There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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