kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
