Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
