if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
