my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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