hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
