I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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