Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
