Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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