So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
