My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize