You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
