Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
