Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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