just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
