Swine flu. Run for my life!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
