Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
