fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
