Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
