come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
