i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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