Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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