since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
