Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
