i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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