Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
