Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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