yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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