they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize