You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
