im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
