to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
