also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
