he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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