so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize