Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
