my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
