i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
