guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
