bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
