Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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