I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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