By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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