my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
