A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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