dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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