i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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