We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
