I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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